Griffin's Birth Story

*warning: lengthy post ahead!

On December 28, 2019, our third child, Griffin Jack Lowery, made his entrance into the world at 38 weeks 6 days. My initial goal when we found out we were pregnant and learned my due date was early January was just to make it through Christmas Day. And thankfully, he listened and cooperated!

The night of the 26th I did not sleep well at all. I just tossed and turned all night and could not get comfortable--which was not the norm. I had been sleeping great the entire pregnancy! Friday, December 27th, I just felt "off." I had lost my mucous plug on Christmas Day so I knew labor was more than likely coming within the next few days (Daniel was really hoping it happened before January 1st so we could get the tax credit lol).  I had no appetite, I didn't feel super well and starting about 1pm I had some pelvic pressure. I took a hot shower to see if that would relieve it at all and it didn't. 

A sweet friend of mine is a L&D nurse and I knew she was working (fun fact--I initially met her because she was my nurse with Holt) so I texted her my symptoms. I had never gone into labor on my own before! She advised me to come in and just get checked out. Of course, we had dinner plans with our BFF's, so I texted Kaley to let her know what was going on. We decided they would go ahead and come over to our house, the boys would stay with the big kids and she would go with me to the hospital and just see if anything was happening. 

4pm--I get into a triage room. My contractions are irregular BUT I was 3cm and 70% effaced (at my appointment on Monday I was only a 1cm and 0% effaced). I drink some ice water and we decide to walk the hallways for an hour. 

5:45pm--they check me again. Still a 3cm and 70% but baby has moved down and my contractions are in a consistent pattern of every 2-4 minutes. They decide to admit me, believing I am in early labor. I decide to walk some more. The doctor on call is Dr. Farrell--she was extremely nice and really cute! I am so thankful for God's provision in that a great doctor was on call and Audra was working! I call Daniel and let him know what's going on--he finishes packing stuff for the hospital and gathering things together. I also call my parents (the 27th is their anniversary) and Daniel calls his parents, so they decide to get their stuff together and head to Fort Smith. 

7:45pm--Daniel arrives at the hospital. Kaley went back to my house to wait with my kids until my in-laws could get there. I get checked again. I am almost a 4. Baby is more engaged in the pelvis. 

10:00pm--my parents arrived about 9pm. My Uncle Jim and Aunt Linda (the photographer)  and my grandmother made it about 9:45pm or so. I have been bouncing on the ball and my contractions have still steadily been coming every 2-4 minutes. So far I have been handling the contractions really well and haven't had to request an epidural yet. I get checked again and I'm 5cm and 75% effaced. 

Starting about 11pm, my contractions started spacing out and calmed down for a while--maybe a contraction every 15 minutes or so. We finally decided to try and get some sleep and I slept from 3:30-5:30am. 

6:00am--check me again and I'm still 5 cm. They decide to break my water and get me on pitocin to get things moving again. I request an epidural because I know what pitocin contractions feel like an I don't want to miss my window.

6:40am--get my epidural

7:00am---Audra is back for the day shift so I get to have her as my nurse!

9:00am---I'm a 7-8cm. Things are moving!

9:30am--8-9cm. Audra has another lady in labor needing to push so she turns down the pitocin in hopes of me stalling a bit.

10:50am---I am feeling pressure and like i need to push. I call Audra and tell her to hurry!

10:55am--Audra rushes in and calls the new on call doctor--Dr. Hill. 

10:59am--I start pushing. Dr. Hill asks Daniel if he wants to announce the gender.

11:05am--its a BOY! Griffin Jack Lowery is born---he has some good lungs and is absolutely perfect!

7lbs 3 oz
19 ¼ inches


We did not find out with this pregnancy whether we were expecting a boy or girl--our first surprise! And it was one of the NEATEST moments of my life! Daniel got to call out whether it was a boy or girl and it was just like nothing I had ever experienced. If we decide to have a 4th baby, we will probably keep it a surprise again! It's always emotional when your baby is born, but this one was a little more so due to the fact he was our rainbow baby. It was a really precious moment!

Griffin was born at 11:05am and our big kids came up to meet him about 2:00pm that afternoon. It was a precious time! They were pretty smitten with him from the beginning and were sad to leave the hospital without him, but we assured them we would be home the next day.

In true 3rd kid fashion, we didn't even decide on names until I was about 37 weeks pregnant. I think it was driving everyone else nuts more than us! We finally sat down and hashed it out one weekend in December--my parents had taken the bigs to Branson for the weekend with the rest of my family and we had an entire kid-free weekend---it was amazing!

Our boy name was pretty easy to agree on. Griffin had been on my list since college. It's just a name I came across and liked--it was different, not heard of often, very masculine sounding, and I loved the meaning--"fierce warrior." We also love to incorporate family names when naming our babies. Jack was my grandpa's name and means "God is gracious." I have always been very close with my grandparents and when Daniel joined the family, they treated him as if he was another grandson. So it was especially meaningful to both of us to use it. Boy name...done!

The girl name was much harder. We had a list of girl names but Daniel didn't really like any of them. So back to the drawing board we went! We finally found one we both liked and could imagine using if this baby ended up being a girl--Annelise. Annelise means "God pledged His grace" which we thought was especially fitting since this was our rainbow baby. It also incorporates family names--my paternal grandmother's name is Joanne, so we liked that it incorporated "Anne" from her, and Elise is a family name on Daniel's side. We both had already agreed on a middle name--Rose--after my maternal grandmother who's middle name is also Rose. So if Griffin had been a girl, his name would have been Annelise Rose. Maybe if we go for a 4th and it ends up a girl, we will use it then!

We got home from the hospital about 1:30pm on Sunday afternoon and my mom and grandmother stayed with us the first night to help with the big kids. They had decided that Monday morning they would take Holt and Evie back to Conway for the week to give us a chance to recover and just enjoy one-on-one time with Griffin. They left about 11:30am and at 12:15pm, my mom called in a panic. She told me that my grandpa Jack had died very suddenly that morning. I stood frozen for a moment before going into crisis mode and making a plan. The plan was they would pull off at Ozark, eat lunch, and Daniel would head that way to get Holt and Evie and bring them back home. Griffin had his first doctor appointment the next day, but as soon as that was over we would head to Conway to be with the family.

While we were shocked and obviously saddened about his sudden passing, God's fingerprints were all over the situation:

1) Griffin came on his own 8 days before his due date. In all reality, this shouldn't have happened. I don't have my babies early. If I had still been pregnant when he died, I would not have been able to travel for the funeral. Plus, since Griffin did come early, my grandpa knew he had a great grandson named after him before he died which I am so thankful for!

2) It allowed us to have some of the tough conversations about death and what happens after we die with our children. We believe the Bible is absolute truth and we believe God loves us so much that He sent Jesus to earth,  where he died for our sins on the cross and was raised to life 3 days later, conquering death and allowing us the opportunity to live in heaven with him for all eternity. We also believe that you will not go to heaven after you die unless you believe in Him--John tells us in his gospel that Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." We were able to tell our children that even though we were burying Poppa Jack's physical body, he wasn't there anymore. Instead, we know he is with Jesus in Heaven, because Jesus lived in his heart and he lived his life for Him. On the night of December 30th (the day Poppa Jack died), Holt decided he wanted to ask Jesus to live in his heart and be the boss of his life! We rejoiced in this news and I know my grandpa would have been so happy to know Holt made such a wonderful decision!

3) My grandpa had been battling the beginning of Alzheimer's for the last couple of years. Even though we miss him terribly, the Lord was so gracious in that my grandpa never had to suffer in the later stages of Alzheimer's and he was in great physical health, up until the moment he died.

Needless to say, the first week of Griffin's life was very eventful. We are so thankful to have a healthy, happy baby boy join our family and can't wait to watch him grow!

We love you Griffin Jack! So thankful you're ours! 

the story of our sweet baby lowery #3

one week ago, our world stopped in a haze of grief and sadness. what we thought would be a doctor's appointment full of joy, turned out to be one of sorrow.

the week of Valentine's Day, we found out we were pregnant with Baby Lowery #3 and we were so excited. I went in the following week to check my HCG levels and they were great---measuring at 30,000. We scheduled our first appointment for Tuesday, February 26 at 9:30am. We went in and my doctor wheeled in the little ultrasound machine. We got the first look at our sweet baby. After a few minutes, my doctor said, "I am so sorry to tell you this, but I am not seeing a heartbeat." It didn't really register in my brain what that meant until a few minutes later.

my doctor is truly amazing. I am so grateful for him. He left the room to give us a few minutes to process what was happening and then came back in to discuss some things with us. He was very sensitive to what was happening, and the first thing he told me was that it wasn't my fault. He gave us three options:

1) wait and let my body miscarry naturally--although we had no idea the timeframe that would take
2) he could give me some meds to jumpstart the process and let my body miscarry naturally
3) we could schedule a D&C

we walked out of the doctor's office numb and in a fog. We drove home and just sat in silence, crying for a good while. I called my Mom to tell her the news---she had no idea we were pregnant yet. That was a hard conversation. She called me back 10 minutes later to say she was packing and heading up here.

the rest of that day was a haze. Daniel picked the kids up from "school", brought them home and we all cried together as we told them the news. Evie was just crying because the rest of us were crying. Holt fully understood though. He cried and cried. And then he stopped and prayed, "God, please let my mama have another baby in her belly so I can have a brother or a sister." *cue more tears. GAH*

I decided I wanted the D&C. I don't believe there is one right option to do---to each their own. But for me, this is what I wanted. I had a lot coming up on the calendar with Rhea Lana's and I didn't want something to happen then. I didn't want to have this looming over my head and just wondering when it would happen. And honestly, I didn't want to feel pregnant anymore.

the hospital was able to squeeze me in the next day for my procedure. Wednesday, February 27th at noon. My mom arrived and was a huge help with the kids. We decided to go to dinner Tuesday night because I wasn't up for cooking. We had the most amazing waitress and someone ended up blessing us and paying for our meal. Whoever you are, if you're reading this, that meant more than you know.

Wednesday morning, we took the kids to my best friend's house---she honestly is more like a sister to me than anything and the fact she was willing to watch my kids most of the day was just the sweetest.  I dropped them off and we cried (more like sobbed) together at the loss of our baby. I arrived to the hospital, checked in, and the waiting game began. I'll be honest, I was a little nervous. I haven't had any kind of surgery since I was 3 years old. But everyone was so kind and helpful and put me at ease. I was wheeled back at 12:15pm, Dr. Riche was speaking to my mom and husband after surgery at 12:30pm and at 1:00pm they were waking me up in recovery.

we got home about 2:00pm and I slept for a few hours. My mom was a huge help taking care of the kids and making sure I was resting. Overall, my physical recovery was great. I never had nausea or cramping or anything. Emotionally, we are still recovering and I know that will continue for a while.

while we don't understand why this happened, we know the Lord is still good and He has not abandoned us. Walking through this grieving process has been difficult, but the amount of love and prayer and support poured out on us has been amazing.

they say miscarriage is very common and it's normal for most women to experience at least one. But you never think it will happen to you. To anyone else out there who has experienced this heartbreak, I am so sorry and I am here for you. One of my friends who messaged me told me this: "this club is one you never want to be part of, but you'll find it to be one of the most encouraging and supportive groups ever." I am finding that to be true.

one of the ways we have decided to help with our grief is to name our baby. We will never officially know the gender because it was so early but we decided to name our baby, Hope. Hope has a lot of meaning for us---we have a confident hope that this baby is in the arms of Jesus and that one day we will see her in heaven. We also have hope that the Lord will restore our loss in the future with a healthy baby. Hope is a powerful thing.

Sweet baby Hope will always have a place in our hearts. And for that I am thankful.

12 Lessons in 12 Months of Motherhood

"the day a baby is born, a mother is also born.  she never existed before.  the woman did, but the mother, never.  a mother is something absolutely new." --Rajneesh

As the days dwindle and we approach my baby's one year birthday, I am reflecting on what this past year as a mother has taught me.

#1) Motherhood is not for the faint of heart. It is the HARDEST "job" I have ever done. As a mother, you're essentially "on call" 24/7---and that's just to care for your child. You still need to keep your home in somewhat of an order, the laundry clean, dinner cooked and cleaned up, etc. It. Is. Exhausting.

#2) Motherhood is one of the BEST things that has ever happened to me. Yes, as previously mentioned, it is the hardest thing I've ever done. BUT, it is also the sweetest and most rewarding. The bond a mother shares with her baby is unlike any other. Experiencing life growing inside you during pregnancy and then holding your baby in your arms, nurturing him or her, feeding him or her, cuddling him or her. It is unexplainable. You never truly comprehend the amount of love your own mother feels for you until you have a baby of your own.

#3) I have the utmost respect for single mothers. Y'ALL. I seriously do not know how single mamas do it. The Lord graces them with a supernatural and divine strength and energy. There are days when I am counting down the minutes until my husband walks in the door, just so I can have a 10 minute break---I can't imagine the toll it takes on you. I have been lifting you up in prayer especially during this last year!

#4) I can function on less sleep than I thought. I LOVE sleep. My husband used to tell people it was my favorite hobby or pastime (ha). We all know, once you have a baby, THAT goes out the window. Gone are the days of sleeping in (what is that?). You start out your journey of motherhood up every 2-3 hours at minimum, then you go all day and MAYBE catch a few minutes of shut eye, then you're up doing it all over again. I'm here to tell you, somehow you just do it. The Lord helps us and you adjust and you actually don't mind the 1AM and 4AM feedings (even though you didn't go bed until 11PM); and as soon as you hear your baby cry at 2:30AM, you're instantly awake and run to comfort him---and then once he goes back to a blissful sleep, you lay there for the next 15-20 minutes (at least) praying that the Lord watches over him and protects him while he sleeps and watching his little chest rise and fall on the monitor. Less sleep is only temporary. Eventually you get your nights back.

#5) It passes in the blink of an eye. SERIOUSLY. People tell you that as soon as you have kids, time goes by even faster and they are absolutely right. The amount of growth and development that babies go through the first year is astounding. Mind-blowing. Live in the moment---the dirty diapers and the feedings and the teething and the laughter and the discovery. Your child is only that age ONE time---don't wish it away.

#6) Doing parenthood with my husband has made me love him even more. Watching his face light up with awe and wonderment when Holt was born, staring into his tiny little face, examining every inch of his tiny little body, comforting Holt when he cried, changing dirty diapers, getting up with me for every night feeding that first month, working hard to provide for our little family, being intentional and playing with him, teaching him words, encouraging him to roll over and crawl and walk. I get teary-eyed just writing this. He truly is the BEST father and I feel so grateful and blessed to raise children with him.

#7) Take a break. Leave your child (or children) with someone you fully trust and get away either with friends or your spouse. Is it hard? The HARDEST. Is it necessary? Absolutely! My husband and I have left Holt two different times for 4-5 days each during this year. And you know what? I rested, relaxed, spent quality time with my husband, and everyone survived. Now I couldn't wait to get back home to my little man, but it was just the recharge I needed to be the best mom (and wife) I can be.

#8) You will worry on a daily basis that you are failing as a mother. Mom guilt is a real thing. You will feel guilty about accidentally hitting your kid's head on the car door (don't judge--it will happen) or guilty that you quit breastfeeding even when you had no control over the fact your body just quit supplying milk, or guilty that you're not feeding your baby the most nutritious, organic foods available.  You will worry that they aren't peeing/pooing enough, that they haven't had enough tummy time, that you don't have enough clothes on them (or maybe too many clothes), or is his fever too high and should I call the doctor? Heck, you'll worry yourself sick and feel REAL guilty for wanting to take a break from your beautiful, bouncing baby (see #7)!  Don't give in to the worry and anxiety and mom guilt. Don't let it rob you of the joy of motherhood. Your baby will survive….and so will you!

#9) It's hard to have a social life with little ones. Once you start having babies, really until the youngest reaches about 4 or 5 (theoretically speaking, since I currently don't have experience with this age), your schedule and life revolves around this little tiny human. You enter this weird, alternate reality where it's easier to do lunch with people than dinner because your kid goes to bed at 6:30 at night and if they go to bed later than that, just kiss the next day goodbye because you'll be home with a cranky, sleep-deprived child and you'll just want to pull your hair out. To all my single friends and married-without-kids friends, please don't take it personal when I tell you I can't go to dinner and a movie. It's just a temporary season I'm in, and one day you'll be in it too and you'll understand.

#10) Play-dates are necessary to maintain your sanity. Trust me on this one. Having time to talk to another adult and just talk about girl stuff (Jesus, motherhood, parenting, movies, food, etc) is so refreshing! Plus it is great for your kids to play with other kids in different settings---it's a win-win!

#11) Motherhood is sanctifying. I just thought I realized how selfish I was when I got married. Not even close! Becoming a mother requires a level of selflessness that is HARD. I never understood my mom continually putting herself last on a daily basis. I feel like my days are reduced down to: wake up, eat, play, change poopy diapers, sleep, repeat. Sometimes I have a selfish attitude and have a pity party for myself. I would much rather spend money on clothes/jewelry for myself or getting my nails done or travel or going to the movies than diapers or rash creams or baby necessities. But, the Lord grows me and shows me my selfishness and helps me to prioritize and put my family first. But did I mention it's HARD?

And lastly…

#12) The love you will have for your child is overwhelming. It's completely foreign, yet natural and familiar all at the same time. At times your heart will almost feel "heavy" because it is filled to the brim and spilling over with love for this tiny little human you helped create. You will cry for no reason other than you're just staring into their little face and they smile at you for the first time. You will cry every time you watch a movie or TV show and a baby is born because you will instantly be transported to when YOUR baby was born and you saw them and heard their cry for the very first time. You will read mommy blogs and birth stories and cry. When your child laughs for the first time, when they crawl or say their first word or take their first steps, you'll tear up because you love them so much and you're so stinkin' proud. Motherhood gives us a glimpse of the love God has for His children--how wide and how deep is His love for us. It is the same for our children--no matter what Holt, or any of my other children, do, I will unconditionally love them for the rest of my life.


Motherhood is a privilege. It's a joy. It is a ministry. And I wouldn't trade ANYTHING in this world for it.

The Pressure to be Supermom

This has been on my heart for several weeks now. I hope to say the words SOMEONE needs to hear, even if it's just myself. And let me preface that this is not just a focus on moms who stay home---I know there are working moms out there who probably feel the same way. Know you are not alone! Let's stick together as a band of mothers, encouraging one another in love!

So here is what has been on my mind….

The face of a being a mom is changing. There is so much pressure!! With Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest I feel like we are bombarded with moms who have it all together. You all know what I'm talking about---the mom who's house is always sparkling and decorated impeccably; her children are always learning from some sort of activity that she made herself; her children are well-behaved and wonderful sleepers; she always has time for Bible Study and probably even teaches Sunday School or volunteers at Awanas; she has time for fitness and easily lost all of her baby weight; and she contributes financially to her family by being crafty or selling some sort of product.

Lately, I have felt like a huge failure as a wife and a mom. My house is hardly ever sparkling; I don't have the most beautifully decorated home; I have the TV on way too much; I try to stick to a nap routine for my child but he often has other plans; I definitely haven't lost all my baby weight; I don't always have time to read my Bible (and if I do, it's maybe a grand total of 10 minutes); and I am currently not contributing to my family in any financial way. I clearly DON'T have it all together.

Then God whispers to my heart through the hugs and smiles and "goo-goo-gaa-gaa's" of my baby boy; through the words of encouragement from my husband; through the hour of conversation with my other mom friends going through the same struggles. Being a mother is a true calling. I need to be confident that I am the perfect mother for Holt (because God made him especially for our family) and the perfect wife for Daniel. NO, I am not a perfect person (quite imperfect actually), but I can be the best mother and wife that God has created me to be.

It is ok that I don't have it all together. It's ok that there are days where I am so exhausted, I literally sit and lay around and watch TV with Holt; it's ok that there are other days where I am very productive; it's ok that I haven't lost the baby weight--in reality, that is a badge of honor; it's ok that I am not making money---it would probably take my paycheck to cover daycare and someone to clean our house anyway; it's ok that my relationship with God is not where I would like it to be.

This is a temporary season that I am in. One day, I'll blink, and Holt and his siblings will be all grown up and won't need me as much. THEN, I'll have a clean house (and maybe a well decorated one) and time to work and time for fitness and MAYBE I'll have it a little bit more together. And honestly, I'll probably be sad that the "time of having littles" is gone.

Until that time comes, I am going to rest in the grace that our Lord graciously provides and be the best mother I can be to Holt and any other children we are blessed with. I'll do my best to not listen to the lies Satan whispers in my ear (hard as that may be). I will do my best to wake up every single morning, grateful for mercies anew, ready to embrace a new day with my family. I will do my best to not be judgmental of other moms, but instead to shower them with love and hope and encouragement. I hope that you will do the same.

To my own SUPERmom----THANK YOU. I never knew the amount of sacrifice and love it took for you to be my mom. The long hours, no sleep, the worry of "am I doing this right?" or "did I make the right decision?", the giving of your body to grow and nurture me, the absolute UNCONDITIONAL love that you have for me. Thanks mom. I love you with all my heart.

Hug your littles momma. Because YOU are their SUPERmom.